“When my parents accepted me with open arms, I celebrated. Section 377 of the IPC makes sex with persons of the same gender punishable by law.įor Anand*, coming out to his parents was the toughest battle. Dating is a drain on money and time, and romance invariably gets the short shrift in the rat race.įor gay singles, it gets that much harder, given the stigma that is widely prevalent across India, forcing a majority to stay in the closet and keep their sexual orientation a secret from families and friends.
If you are youth between 16 and 30 demonstrating involvement, commitment and leadership in the queer community feel free to apply for the Sher Vancouver January Marie Lapuz Youth Leadership Award which has cash prizes of $1000, $600, $400, and $200.Singles looking for love in a big city will tell you they have it hard.
You can find your place in our queer family. I am writing this article to let the next generation of queer youth, especially queer brown and queer people of colour, know that there is hope. Talk about trying to deal with double the societal oppression and self-esteem and self-identity issues. Can you imagine? They have to come out and accept their ethnicity and sexuality. This means they do not like themselves for being brown or gay. In my counselling practice, I have helped many young brown men who have internalized racism and internalized homophobia. I am currently focused on self-care and supporting and making a difference in the lives of others who are struggling especially queer youth. I grew up with media images of white, smooth, muscular young men and "twinks", both of which I look nothing alike. I wonder sometimes, am I still desirable enough for the gay world? The gay world is still so obsessed with youth and beauty.
I can still swim for an hour virtually non-stop which I am proud of, nonetheless.
On the downside, I am not as toned, getting bald, with grey hair. I have a nice house and car, I have a successful business, and I have good friends and family. When I told him, he stated “your past the expiry date.” Now I am 47 years old. I went to a gay bar, as I turned 30 in the city, and an older white Englishman asked me about my age. I even experienced explicit ageism in the gay world while in London. Fortunately, I made some friends from Canada and the USA and with a few closeted gay students. As a gay male with family history from India and born in England and raised in Canada, I didn’t know who to sit with. The Latinos sat together, the Europeans sat together, and the Asians sat together. To my surprise, the students made friends and even sat in the cafeteria based largely on nationality and ethnicity. I arrived at my student housing at the London School of Economics which is probably one of the most ethnically diverse schools in the world. At the end of the day, most people want to feel like they fit in. He said to me “you're quite handsome for an Indian guy.” I did not know if I should take this as a compliment? Nonetheless, I didn’t feel comfortable being the token person of colour in his social circle and soon we ended our relationship. It’s been rare in my life to be actually asked out by a good looking white guy. I met a cute Italian guy when I was 30 and doing my post-graduate in England. I have experienced oppression in subtle ways.
I have tried to hang out with people of all backgrounds, but the ones that stick around are usually those that I have something in common with and that includes our shared cultural upbringing, heritage, and skin colour. I remember one of my friends asked me why are most of my friends' people of colour? I said it’s because they're the only ones who want to be friends with me and who like me. The white gay men, who society seems to think is the cream of the crop of desirability, usually, hang out together. This is especially the case if I am at a party or club in Vancouver and there are groups of people socializing. It is not easy being gay and brown and middle-aged! I still feel like an outsider, and relatively marginalized from the mainstream queer community.